***Before you start reading this, go to Part 1 (the blog posting below this one) and press play on the video posted there (I have no idea why the video has a NASCAR driver on there, but just listen to the words while you read this post).***
Yesterday afternoon, I got some bad news. My OBGYN office called to say that my annual pap smear showed I had some abnormal cells. I have no idea what that means, except they said I need to come in for some more testing. I was having kind of an emotional and upset day yesterday to begin with. So getting news like that shook me up. I got home and was so upset that I did all the dishes. (I clean when I'm mad or upset). Then I went and got in bed. Jason came and got in bed and we just lay there quietly. I was still upset from the fight we had about our anniversary. Then my mind started to wander thinking about what if I have cancer and die and I won't live to see Baby Autumn grow up or live to have more anniversaries with Jason. So I just started crying quietly so Jason wouldn't hear me.
Then I got up and went to check on the baby and leaned down to kiss her little cheek while she slept and started bawling. I went in the bathroom and turned on the fan and the water in the sink so Jason wouldn't hear me. I finally got a hold of myself and went back to bed. Then just laying there in the quiet, Jason reached over and grabbed my hand. I started crying again. He probably thought I was crying b/c our anniversary wasn't what I thought it should be. But then I blurted out, "Jason, what if I die?" He rolled over and put his arms around me and I just let it all out into his chest and cried and cried. He was such a sweet husband and just kept telling me everything would be OK, that I'm not going to die, etc.
Yesterday afternoon, I got some bad news. My OBGYN office called to say that my annual pap smear showed I had some abnormal cells. I have no idea what that means, except they said I need to come in for some more testing. I was having kind of an emotional and upset day yesterday to begin with. So getting news like that shook me up. I got home and was so upset that I did all the dishes. (I clean when I'm mad or upset). Then I went and got in bed. Jason came and got in bed and we just lay there quietly. I was still upset from the fight we had about our anniversary. Then my mind started to wander thinking about what if I have cancer and die and I won't live to see Baby Autumn grow up or live to have more anniversaries with Jason. So I just started crying quietly so Jason wouldn't hear me.
Then I got up and went to check on the baby and leaned down to kiss her little cheek while she slept and started bawling. I went in the bathroom and turned on the fan and the water in the sink so Jason wouldn't hear me. I finally got a hold of myself and went back to bed. Then just laying there in the quiet, Jason reached over and grabbed my hand. I started crying again. He probably thought I was crying b/c our anniversary wasn't what I thought it should be. But then I blurted out, "Jason, what if I die?" He rolled over and put his arms around me and I just let it all out into his chest and cried and cried. He was such a sweet husband and just kept telling me everything would be OK, that I'm not going to die, etc.
This morning Jason didn't go to his internship. He stayed home with me and we just spent time together. We got up and took care of baby, watched some TV, went and watered the garden, and then Jason made me the nicest YUMMIEST breakfast ever. Eggs, ham, cheese, potatoes, and Cherry Pepsi in our fancy glasses.
It was so good for me to cry and let go of all my anger and worries and just realize that whatever happens is meant to be and I'm just going to enjoy every moment of my life as best I can. Anyways, while we were eating we had music playing in the background. This song came on, and it fit my mood and just put into words exactly what I was thinking and feeling. As long as I have my sweet husband and baby to love me, that's all I need. I love you, Jason. Thank you so much for being there for me when I need you most!
Hold on to me when your world's turnin' cold
When it feels like your life's spinnin' out of control
You're hopin', prayin', tryin' so hard to believe
Hold on to me when there's no middle ground
And every emotion is comin' unwound
And you don't know if you can hold on to your dreams
Baby you can hold on to me
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4 comments:
Lisa,
Gosh...I don't know what to say. I will keep you in my prayers.
~Charlotte
I'm glad that your hubby was there for you, and helped take care of you! I hope everything turns out ok! You should call your home teachers and get a blessing. It's amazing what the power of the priesthood can do. I will pray for you too! Love ya!
Hey Lisa,
Sorry to hear about the abnormal cells but chances are it is HPV and over 80% of women get it at least once in their lifetime. You contract the virus from men that are infected, and over 80% of men are infected and don't know it!
I am sure everything will be ok! Good luck!
What the hell? Why didn't you call me? I am so freakin' out right now! I'm calling you right now!!! I love you!
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