I need some advice from you veteran moms out there. Lately Autumn has been acting like a little stinker. She's only 21 months old...not even 2 yet, so I know I'm in trouble when the Terrible Two's hit. For example, this morning she woke me up and was standing up in her bed ready to get out. I got her out and took her in the living room to change her diaper and get her dressed. I had picked out an ADORABLE outfit w/ striped tights and a cute purple dress. I changed her diaper and then went to put on her tights and she threw a FIT. She wanted to pick out her own clothes. Now when I say fit, I mean kicking, screaming, rolling around on the floor, etc. I tried to calm her down but after a full minute of non-stop screaming I walked away and went into my room to get ready figuring if I didn't give her attention then the screaming would stop.
I was wrong. She moved from the living room to my room and started her fit all over again. I set her on my bed and tried to talk to her and let her know she needs to show me (she can't talk yet to tell me) what she wants. She took my finger and led me to the freezer, and showed me that she wanted a popsicle. Since my nerves were so frayed at that point, I decided we could compromise. I would let her have a popsicle, and while she was eating it I could be sneaky and put on her tights and her outfit. That worked for a little while, but then the popsicle was gone and I had to try and do her hair. Usually, if I say something is pretty then she'll go along with it. I tried to tell her we were going to fix her hair "pretty" and put in a "pretty" bow. That didn't work. The worst thing about when she throws fits is that I'll be holding her and she'll all of a sudden arch her back and she almost hits her head on things or I almost drop her b/c she's so strong and I'm not expecting it.
I basically held her down and managed to make her hair look somewhat decent. Then I had to finish getting ready and she threw another tantrum. If she gets really mad, sometimes she'll come over and even try to bite me! I had to put her in time out for 1 minute and then I went over and talked to her and told her, "we don't bite. You say sorry and give momma a love." That worked for a little bit and she was nice while I finished getting ready. Then we went out to the car, I put her in her car seat, gave her a bottle, and we went to pick up a girl I carpool with. We waited in the girl's driveway for about 5 minutes, and the whole time Autumn was screaming and kicking the back of my seat w/ all her strength. I tried singing songs, I tried giving her food, I tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked.
I just don't know if this is a phase she is going through or if I'm in real trouble. I'm not a push over mom, but anytime I tell her no, she gets mad and has a fit. Any suggestions on what to do or how to handle this situation? I want to nip it in the bud before it gets any worse!
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Alexander has started to do the same things. He is three and really hitting that I want it now and I can't wait or I am independent and can do it myself. He has started throwing fits. So I have started ignoring the behavior or sending him to his room and telling him he can come out when he decides to use words. It has helped with him.
The other thing I have done is say ok when I get to 5 you have to be done crying if not.... THen and give a punishment (maybe its timeout or going to room, what ever works for her). Be consistent in whatever method you choose. The first while is always the hardest (sometimes it takes doing the same thing over and over in a row for them to realize you are serious)but usually if they realize you won't put up with it it will help the behavior.
Also when she doesn't throw a fit make sure to praise her. I found if I am praising the I do less punishing.
You will get lots of advice, but you have to figure out what works for you as a mother.
I agree with your friend. You might want to also try and find out if there is a reason she is fighting you with getting ready, and going. Is there someone that bites her or isn't very nice to her, where she is going? In addition I have found that when I spend more time with my kids, sitting in their rooms, one on one, and letting them crawl in my lap to read a favorite book, or just doing whatever it is they want to do with my undivided attention, things seem to not fall quite so apart when those moments happen. Another thing that sometimes has worked is to never ever make fun of them,(like when they are crying and you are feeling frustrated and to waaah at them.) :D take them very seriously, and voice their feelings for them. "I can see that you are so mad mommy won't let you eat that popsicle, and you think mommy is soo mean" and then explain why even if they don't want to hear it, "but mommy loves you and doesn't want your tummy to hurt. If you don't eat your cheerios first, your tummy will feel owie." Sometimes they still scream and sometimes they do stop, but over time it gets better, and they start to understand why they can't have or do something. And sometimes they just need a little quiet time in their rooms to themselves too. The last thing that is always the hardest, or atleast for me, is to always be consistent. Kids prosper where they know what is expected of them, and feel safe and secure when they know what is coming. You are doing a great job! You are a wonderful mother!! Keep praying and you'll be inspired as to what to say and do in those difficult situations. Know that you're not alone, we all have been and are still there too. :D Love ya!
Trial and error-- nothing works for everyone. :) Don't pull your hair out, and always count to 10.
Brooklyn hit a stage like that too, just before she turned 2 but she mellowed out, I was so glad when she was over it. I think it's a hard age too just because they are learning SO much but can't quite communicate everything as well as they need to. Good luck, it's true they will grow out of it. :)
I agree with everyone else. Do what works best for you. Here's one: I saw Ben's aunt calmly tell her 2 year-old daughter (who was throwing a terrible fit at their grandpa's 80th birthday party dinner) "You have to choose to be happy," send her to a quiet spot (where she could see her) with her favorite blanket, and said "When you're happy, come back to the table." The little one pouted for awhile, took some time to herself, and then came back all smiles. The mom praised her for choosing to be happy. Of course this might take way more time than you have in the morning, but it's something! I hope little Autumn Bottom is doing OK other than the temper tantrums. She has a great mom, that's for sure! Love you both!
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