Nightmare

Today was just a normal day.  Work, school, dinner, etc.  I made brownies and Autumn & I watched Biggest Loser.  Sam (the HOT Polynesian) is looking GOOOOOOD!  I should figure out how to get in touch w/ him and send him a flirty letter.  Tee hee hee.

Tonight was HORRIBLE!  I woke up from a nightmare at 4 am just sobbing uncontrollably.  I dreamt that Autumn & Mom & Rufio & Lexie & Nate & I were at some natural hot springs where you can go swimming.  We were having a good time, but there was this guy that was going around and stealing people’s purses and cell phones while they were swimming.  My cell phone was stolen, so I was talking to a police officer about my phone being taken.  I hadn’t been talking to him for more than 30 seconds when all of a sudden I thought, “where’s Autumn?”  I turned around to see her at the bottom of the natural springs.  I knew right away in my heart that it was too late to save her and that she had drowned.  I can’t even describe how sick I felt in the pit of my stomach and the pain in my heart.  Even now typing this makes me physically ill.  I remember dropping to my knees and just screaming through my gut wrenching sobs.  I couldn’t think and couldn’t breathe.  Luckily I woke up right after that, but my pillow was soaked w/ tears and I sat up straight in bed and had tears streaming down my cheeks and was sobbing.  It was the most horrible feeling EVER! 

Autumn was laying next to me in bed and my crying woke her up.  She said, “you ok, Mama?  I am home.”  That made me cry even more.  I grabbed her and just hugged her and rocked her and cried into her hair.  When I finally calmed down a little bit I told her I was ok and she said, “you need juice, Mama?”  That made me laugh a little and we were both able to fall back asleep.  I hope I never have to feel the way I felt in my dream, b/c it was sickening.