Cool Company, Dinner W/ Liz & A Pity Party For One

Today after work/school, we came home to a house full of fun visitors.  Aunt Jeri got here safely from Utah (she caught a ride down w/ 2 of the Jones’ boys that were coming home for their sister’s wedding), and Kourtney & Sis. Nelson walked in right before we did.  Mom had an incredible meal for us, and that was on top of making a meal for the whole Jones’ family.  She just did the same thing last week for the Johnson’s.  I’m telling you, she’s a service oriented thoughtful machine, that one is.  I had to eat and run b/c I was running off to go eat.  LOL.

Liz & I had a much overdue GNO set 2 weeks ago before I knew we were having all this company.  We met at On The Border and sat and talked for 2 hours.  I haven’t seen her in what feels like forever, so it was great to catch up and spend time together.  I’m so thankful to have her as a friend.

Autumn slept most of the time I was gone, and was rearing to go when I got home.  The Nelsons brought her these super cute and girly headbands.  She put one on her Scentsy lamb and then asked me to take a picture.  I don’t know what’s up w/ her flashing the peace sign tonight (she did the same thing in the picture at dinner).  We sat and visited w/ Nelsons for a while and then finally came home at 10:00.

I don’t know why, but I have been feeling kind of bummed out and blue lately.  I am happy as a single person, b/c I’d rather be single and happy than miserably married.  But, I really thought I would be remarried a few years after my divorce and it has now been 5 long years.  I miss having someone to share my life with.  My family is more than incredible at supporting me as a single parent, but it’s just not the same as having a spouse.  I miss so many little things like having someone to talk w/ in bed before drifting off to sleep.  I miss having someone to send random funny texts to throughout the day.  I miss holding hands.

It reminds me of the quote from the movie Shall We Dance:

“We need a witness to our lives.  There’s a billion people on the planet…I mean, what does any one life really mean?  But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things…all of it, all of the time, every day.  You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.  Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.’”

I know I can’t really make deals w/ Heavenly Father, but a few years ago I decided that if I wanted to meet a worthy Priesthood holder that I needed to put myself in places he would be.  So, I made it a goal to go to the temple once a month.  Then the next year I decided to go twice a month.  Still didn’t meet anyone.  And I know some of you might be thinking that that was the wrong reason to be going to the temple.  Let me just state for the record that that was NOT the only reason I was going to the temple.  I loved the time I spent at the temple and had a lot of personal growth and spiritual experiences.

Most days I do great and don’t even fret about the lack of my love life.  But the past few days it’s just really gotten to me and made me sad.  I know so many ladies in my group of friends and family that are pregnant (most of them w/ their 2nd child) and I am THRILLED for them.  It makes me long even more for an addition to my own little family w/ someone who adores and supports and cares about me, and is in it with me for the long haul.

Every time my home teachers & visiting teachers come over they ask me if they can help with anything and I always tell them to pray for me to find a husband.  They laugh when I say that, but I’m serious.  I’ve done the single Mom thing long enough and am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.

I know I need to just be patient and things will all work out in God’s time.  I have faith in His plan for me, and don’t want to rush into a relationship just to be in a relationship.  I’m stronger than that and know I deserve someone incredible, and I’m willing to wait for that right person.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t vent about the hard days every now and then.  So, I’ve said my peace and will end my pity party for one.