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This past weekend has been full of emotions that I thought I had buried and was done with. I found out some more information about Jason, my ex. I guess it really shouldn't have surprised me, b/c he's hasn't changed at all from when we were married and was cheating on me multiple times with multiple people. But, I was still shocked and deeply saddened at the many things I found out this weekend. He's still out there ruining innocent people's lives and being irresponsible. I felt, and still feel, that it is my duty to warn anyone I can about him and the type of person that he is. Us girls need to stick together.
I know I should try and be "the bigger person" in the whole situation and just let go of all the anger and hate, but I have always been the nice girl when it comes to dealing with him and all it has gotten me is feeling used and abused. I am finally standing up for myself. I quit paying for his cell phone. I turned him into the Office of Recovery Services so now they can start taking Autumn's child support right out of his check. I didn't want to do that b/c I didn't want to take any money away from Mindi & the kids, but he had told me over and over that he would help me out and send me money. However, it has been over 18 months since I left him and I have yet to see a penny. So, I took matters into my own hands. I am finally going to make him responsible and accountable, b/c no one else in his life does.
He always does really bad things, ruins people's lives, and then when they find out and get mad at him, he blames it on them. Nothing is ever his fault. It's MY fault now that he is all alone and all the women he was dating (at the same time w/out knowing about each other) have left him. I GLADLY take that honor. I wish I could protect the whole world from him, but I can't. After people get mad at him he always calls and tries to apologize and say, "let's be nice and civil and friendly." I'm not taking those calls anymore. I'm not playing Miss Nice Ex-Wife anymore. As far as I'm concerned, he is only Autumn's Dad, and not even that very well since he hasn't seen her in almost a year. The last time he saw her, she was crawling and now she runs!
He always does really bad things, ruins people's lives, and then when they find out and get mad at him, he blames it on them. Nothing is ever his fault. It's MY fault now that he is all alone and all the women he was dating (at the same time w/out knowing about each other) have left him. I GLADLY take that honor. I wish I could protect the whole world from him, but I can't. After people get mad at him he always calls and tries to apologize and say, "let's be nice and civil and friendly." I'm not taking those calls anymore. I'm not playing Miss Nice Ex-Wife anymore. As far as I'm concerned, he is only Autumn's Dad, and not even that very well since he hasn't seen her in almost a year. The last time he saw her, she was crawling and now she runs!
I know people may judge me for being so hateful and angry, and posting it on my blog for the world to see. But I'm trying to keep it real and post how I am really feeling, b/c this is my blog/journal/history of my life. Someday I'm know I will let it all go and be able to be nice and civil with him, but that day is not today. I just think it's incredibly unfair that he keeps having children he can't support and won't be there for, that he just keeps hurting innocent people and that he doesn't care and doesn't have a conscience about it and thinks that he is a good person (NOT!).
In every other aspect and area of my life, I am a fun and nice and good person. But when it comes to Jason and all the crap he has put me through and is putting other people through, that is where my protective mother bear instincts kick in. I become mean, rude, sarcastic, and even hateful. I should feel bad about that I guess, but I just don't. I can't wait for karma to come around to him and kick him flat on his butt.
Through this whole experience w/ Jason, I have been able to make some good friends that I hope to stay in contact with. I need to start a Jason's ex's club and have Mindi be the President, I can be the Vice President, and just hope that more women don't have to join that club, b/c there are already WAY too many members than there should be. No one should have to be hurt in the way that he hurts people. I wouldn't wish that kind of hurt and heartache on my worst enemy. When us girls join together, we are a force to be reckoned with and I just hope we can keep saving each other from the likes of Jason.
GO GIRL POWER!!!
10 comments:
I just read your email and responded! Sorry for the lag, its been a weekend.
GO YOU!!! I am so proud of you:) ANd I didn't realize that it has been over a year since he saw Autumn. That's tough but you made all the right choices.
My neice grew up without a father but did just fine. She always had really strong family support from my dad and brothers and when she had the choice to be in her fathers life she decided against it because he didn't help my sister at all. And she didn't want to know him.
Things have a way of working out and never feel guilty about going home. And moving away from Jason. You didn't leave him, he left you the MINUTE he stepped out of your marriage.
Stay strong and you know where to reach me!
I know you are perhaps one of the nicest people I have ever known, so there must be something terribly wrong to make you put your foot down. I am glad you are demanding child support. It shouldn't have to happen the way it is, but I am glad you are taking care of yourself and your baby. She is very lucky to have you as her mother.
Lisa, I am so proud of you. In addition to my email, I think I speak for everyone that reads your blog when I say that we don't judge you for your actions towards Jason. He is the one who put all of this in motion, and should take responsibility for it.
And, as a sidebar, what a dirtbag to not see his daughter in almost a year. I can almost hear the excuses in his voice: you moved too far away, I don't have enough money to come visit, wah, wah, wah.
He's a man, he needs to put on his big boy pants and act like one. Where there is a will, there's a way. Maybe he could have taken one of the nights he spent with another girl and taken a trip to see his daughter. But whatevs. He is useless to you.
You are doing the right thing by keeping Autumn the number one priority in this situation. You know that the sacrifices that you have to make now will all work out in the long run. Trust in yourself and your family support. They will take you much further than depending on a deadbeat.
LISA MARIE JOHNSON!! YOU GO GIRL!! I talked to Roxi at Enoch's work party, she told me about that FREAKING swear word of a guy.. He's SO worthless is SICK! I'm sorry I can't even imagine what you're going through or what any girl he comes in contact with will go through!! If I EVER see that SATANIC man... I'll knock him out girl. I got yo back!
It's ok to feel the way you do! You will be a better person once you can let go of it all, but you can't force that. It will happen though, especially because you want it to.
You are doing the right thing!
GO GIRL POWER IS RIGHT! I could not be happier that I met you. You are one kick-ass woman, and I hope to learn from your example of strength and...incredibleness. You have made my life easier at the cost of opening wounds of your own, and I acknowledge and appreciate that. Life is going to be okay...for all of us. Just not Jason. Thanks you for being such a friend and support. I hope to be able to give some of that back to you someday. Maybe this song can help me start to. I found it on youtube yesterday and laughed my guts out. It makes for some good dancing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2RTwChrOjc
Please forgive the crudeness :)
Much Love,
Ashley
This is Ashley's sister!...
and I want it to be known that I'll be the official shirt maker for your Ex-Wife's club! :)
I like reading your blog because it gives me hope that life goes on, things work out, and heaven watches over those who get screwed over in this life!
Happy Holidays to you and your beautiful daughter!
Courtney
Ha! My sister stalks your blog! I had no idea! That's beautiful. I do have a good family :)
Lisa-
You don't know me, but I think you might know of me.... I have had the 'pleasure' of being one of Jason's most recent victims. I don't know what I would do or where I would be if it wasn't for you and Ashley. Seriously, I was clueless! I hope you don't mind me reading your blog... I just wanted to say thanks because you have helped me out sooo much!! You are amazing, and Autumn is so beautiful! I would love to be in your club! ha!
-Cassie
Foof, I second every single thing that has been said here. You've been more generous to Jason than he deserves, and enough was finally enough. Don't feel guilty about this. When Heavenly Father told us to be meek, He for sure didn't mean to be a doormat. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and Autumn! Stay strong. Posebna si! :)
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