Integrity

Today I had something that made me sick to my stomach.  It wasn’t anything that I ate or anything I saw that made me sick.  It was something that I inadvertently did.  I had a pit in my stomach that just wouldn’t go away.  I had my integrity brought into question today and it made me so sad.  I can definitely see the other person’s side of things and understand where they’re coming from.  But, it was an honest mistake on my end and I take full responsibility since it’s my fault for not clarifying how certain things should be done instead of just assuming that the way I was doing them was correct.

I thought I would have broken down and cried, and if I had truly been in the wrong and had the intention of deceiving and being dishonest and shady, then I would have probably cried for being “caught.”  But, I just felt a calm peace when I was approached about the wrong that had been done b/c I knew I did not have any devious intentions.  I had a clear conscience.

The thing that was most upsetting to me is that even if this person that I wronged understands my point of view and that I didn’t do anything on purpose, they will never fully trust me again.  They will always question the things and I do and why I do them.  And that’s what hurts the most of all.  I wish there were something I could do to clear my image in this person’s mind and make them realize I have integrity and would never intentionally compromise that for anything.

Today was a very sobering and eye-opening experience.  It was a good reminder to always make sure I’m living my life in a way that I can hold my head high and always answer “yes” to the question of being honest in my dealings with my fellow men.